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Thursday, September 28th, 2006
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8:54 pm - Another day...
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It has been a while since I last posted anything, mainly because I just couldn't be bothered, but right now I have nothing else better to do anyway so might as well. School's alright, though I don't think I have ever been as busy as I am now. Jazz band requires an infinite amount of practice, and yearbook takes up even more time. Not that I'm complaining though. I quite like these classes. Wish I could drop biology though. Never had a class as boring. But besides that, things are pretty swell. Buddy day at school today and tomorrow, and for obvious reasons I have not a buddy. This year's grade eights are an obnoxious bunch. Concert and grad boat cruise next week, followed by the Thanksgiving long weekend. On a comepletely unrelated note, I am very much obsessed with Clone High. oh Vincent, poor depressed little boy.
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| Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
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8:11 pm - Hey...
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Haven't posted any entries for a while, or so it seems. Maybe I'm just getting tired of taking the time to type up the tedious events of every single bloody day. Or maybe I'm just lazy. Whatever. Some days though, when you feel like you just have to rant, well... did I mention that someone tried to run me over last Sunday? That's May o7 2oo6 in case you were wondering. Entertaining, is it not? Of course it is. But I don't feel like writing about that right now. Too much homework anyway. Thankfully there is only a few weeks of school left... yes and grade 12 is going to be, with any luck, actually enjoyable. One can only hope.
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| Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
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8:42 pm - Hmm...
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Just realized how long it's been since I updated this thing. Ah well what can I say, my life is pretty boring. So hmmm what is there to say? Rant? Well no, I've already done enough of that at school with Chip. God I hate biology. Painfully stupid. Anyway no more about that, I am going to sleep before my eyes start bleeding.
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| Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006
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5:48 pm - Ugh...
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Spent pretty much the entirety of spring break trying to finish what I can in the graduation portfolio. And I've still got about half of the thing left. Argh this feels like it'll never end! Think my brain is going to explode. Yes all over the nice new keyboard. Lovely.
http://jm.slove.org/gc
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| Sunday, March 5th, 2006
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9:33 pm - Watched the Oscars...
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"The Wings" by Gustavo Santaolalla... from Brokeback Mountain, in case anyone was wondering... yeah I want that song. Or rather, I want the piano version of the score. But I can't find it! It is nowhere to be found! Ever so saddened by this tragic incident, honestly... the song breaks my heart everytime I hear it... ahaha that sounded pretty bad. But it does! Was watching the Oscars and the song came on and I broke into tears. Again. And they just HAD to show all those clips from the movie. And of course I cried. Quite a few times... yes very pathetic indeed.
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| Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
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9:09 pm - Remembrance...
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Haven't written for a while, so I guess I will ramble about the last couple weeks in this entry. Well hmm where to begin? Sad thing is, I can't even remember. Well then... oh there was a school dance on the twenty third. Which was pretty bad, by the way. Music was horrible, as usual, all this garbage stuck on repeat, blaring even louder than usual. And there were these raised dance floors! Seriously. It might have been moderately cool if ninety percent of the people there did not consist of the juniors. Left the caf, which is where the actual dance is, to let my ears adjust. Already deaf as it is, don't need to make things worse. Oh yeah talked to Aurelius, who is really nice. Haven't spoken to people are decent enough not to judge you before actually knowing you. Or rather, it's been so long since I had that I can hardly remember having ever done so. But yeah that was probably the only good thing that came out of that evening. On another note, I can't go to band camp. Very tragic, I know. My chance to get to talk to Laertes, but of course that is not going to happen now, nor ever in the future, which is sad, really. But that is okay, because somehow I have gotten over that. Sorta kinda maybe. Oh well. Was sick all weekend following the dance, but then it was school so I had to return to reasonable health. Left school early on Monday so I didn't have to sit through Chemistry, but mostly because I felt sick and wanted to sleep. So I did. Felt slightly better on Tuesday, and got a dose of awesome music. My attempt to understand what is being said is, however, rather pathetic. Not to mention useless. Oh well, what are you gonna do, eh? Tomorrow everyone will be away on that ski trip. Damn it. It makes me sorta regret dropping phys ed. Really. Well then again, I really don't miss being picked second to last for teams, so I guess it's better this way. Yeah...
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| Monday, February 13th, 2006
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10:08 pm - Still thinking...
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Thinking about the movie makes me cry. Think I'll go to sleep now, and attempt to overcome this emotional instability, at least. I am pitiful indeed.
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9:30 pm - Must stop crying at movies...
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Went to see Brokeback Mountain yesterday afternoon, and by the second half of the movie I was drowning in my own tears. Pathetic, I know. But then again, I cry in almost every movie so I suppose it is pretty normal. Thinking about the movie makes me sad though. I shall refrain from remembering.
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| Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
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11:06 pm - Difference between brikin and braken?
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10:08 pm - Anger is motivation...
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I am actually beyond angry at this point in time. Why? Because my self-centred sibling is a stupid bitch. And now neither of us is allowed to use the internet while doing homework anymore. Fuck! That means I can't fuckin' go online on school days! Being the idiot she is, she left all of her math work until the last minute, and couldn't finish because she couldn't work out the problems. Sad thing is, she is doing grade seven work, and even though she is in grade eight challenge math, she still can't figure anything out. Why? Because she is fuckin' stupid, that's why. And with her work incomplete, she wasn't allowed to use the computer. OH GOD FORBID! so decides to spaz and refuse to go upstairs, insisting on staying until midnight to go online. Of course mother is angered by this, because GASP THINGS ARE NOT GOING HER WAY so she tells father to yell at Echidna. The stubborn one does not listen, and this led to one mess of a fight sorta thing. Though truth is, when father is angered, being quiet is the smart thing to do because he can easily take away privileges, in this case her right to access the internet... as well as mine. Ugh why do I always get dragged into these things? What the fuck is with joined punishment when I didn't even do anything? God I cannot deal with this right now!
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| Saturday, January 28th, 2006
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9:46 pm - Uneventful day as always...
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Had a dentist appointment today, and I thought I was gonna have my wisdom teeth pulled. But no, that will have to wait until February. Lovely. Something to look forward to, eh? Ugh. Bored but I don't feel like doing anything... ooh, I have a socials project to do still. should start working on it. Hmm... oh I'll do it later.
Argh spent the last three hours or so doing all these projects for school... totally exhausted. Should really get to sleep soon... Ah well whatever. Organizing songs on the computer to waste time. Going blind! Okay think I'd better go to sleep now before I lose my eyesight...
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12:06 am - Dying...
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Sometimes it feels like all I ever do is complain. To you, that is. Yeah... I really should try to stop, huh. But I can't help it. This hell within which I stand has begun to crumble, for you have gone...
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| Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
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9:06 pm - After some thought…
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Did some thinking, and come up with a conclusion of sorts. Maybe I am just afraid of commitment... to anything in particular, that is. Though if that is the case then I am tragically pathetic.
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9:20 am - Early morning in math...
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Who is there to write to? I do not know. Lately my notes have been a mess of everything that came to mind. I blame it on my supposed internal turmoil but I think it is more than that. With the sudden increase in strange dreams during the course of this past week maybe I am just trying to escape from reality. That would make life easier eh? To fabricate a world out of my own sick and twisted imagination. But there is no satisfaction in that. It only leaves the creator with more pain. Well, maybe not pain exactly, but the same empty feeling that comes with disappointment upon the realization that the creation is not real... well, I could go on about this forever, but I won't. No, I have complained enough for the moment, I think.
Do you believe in fate? I don't know if I do anymore. Used to think that everything happened for a reason. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe my belief had only been something that I took as an antidote, something to make myself feel better about my life. Which sucks at the moment, in case you haven't noticed. But I guess that is just something I will have to deal with.
Note to self... must start building my vocabulary.
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| Tuesday, January 17th, 2006
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10:45 pm - Yet another day...
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Did not have lit today. Quite the tragedy, I know. Instead, we were all assigned accounts for the FirstClass online storage of graduation portfolio evidence... but why couldn't have been last block that I missed? Why lit? I like lit! Ugh. Ah well, no use whining about something that has already happened and that I cannot change. Hamlet has really long eyelashes. And a nice smile. But he's also got the atrocious toque thing going on... I laugh.
Watched a movie for French during lunch. "Au revoir les enfants." It had subtitles! Neato.
Still have to find time to finish up my supposed artwork. And deal with the problems that I must work out in my head. As soon as possible would be the right thing to do... but procrastination is part of my nature. Hmm... You know when you know what you should do, but you can't make yorself do it? And so you dont? And end up screwing yourself over? This seems to be a common problem. Well... for me, anyway.
I went to sleep as soon as I got home from school, partly because my eyes were starting to burn again. From fatique, that is. And now here I am again, typing away because I have nothing else better to do. I was too late, the episode of Saturday Night Live with Jon Heder has been taped over. Yes, this is quite the trahmatizing moment for me.
Going to go sleep so I can temporarily forget about the things trouble me so. And perhaps I'll wake up with a plan of some sort. Or at least a clear mind. You know, stuff like that. Though I doubt much will change in the next eight hours.
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| Monday, January 16th, 2006
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9:31 pm - In a slightly better mood...
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Dark emo poetry? Yeah right. I've had enough of that. Ah, just remembered that I still haven't seen the Saturday Night Live episode that had Jon Heder on it. No! Must remind Suzi to bring the tape. Hopefully she hasn't taped over it yet.
Shall I begin an account of my life as of today? Well sure. Have to do piano right now, so I'll be back in about an hour or so...
Okay, I lied. It's only been half an hour. But I am in no condition to play piano tonight. I can barely see the keys, let alone read the music. Tragic, I know. So instead I'll stare at the computer screen for another hour so I can destroy my eyes some more. Ha. Nah, I'll go as soon as I'm done writing I guess. Unless I want to go blind. Oh, like John Milton after he wrote for the Puritan cause! Except he was doing something productive, whereas I am wasting time on the computer for no particular reason.
Today... what happened today? Hmm... had to scrub paint off the floor of the hallway during lunch. Quite the humiliating experience. Oh and I talked about lots of stuff with various people. You know who you are. Rosencrantz, the annoying one, tried to close the door on us again. Seriously. If it weren't for the fact that he is friends with Horatio and Guildenstern, he'd be very much dead right now. And no, it's not just the door closing that annoys me... you know how some people are such fuckin' morons that you just want to like, stab them? Well he is one of those people. From what I can see, anyway. Though I must say, I'm apparently not the best judge of character. Oh well, to judge Rosencrantz fairly would mean that I would have to get to know him first, and I just don't have that kind of time and energy right now. So too bad. Guildenstern is looking as dark and confused as ever. Horatio's done something atrocious to his hair.
What else... ah yes, Chip is still angry with me, it seems. Damn it.
Anyway, I must go to sleep now because I can't read what I am typing anymore. The screen is too much of a blur. Ha, that is definately not a good thing. Well then, good night, I suppose.
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| Sunday, January 15th, 2006
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10:45 pm - Ha...
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"why do you always get obsessed with all the talentless, pseudo-dark, anti-social losers?"
huh... what nice friends I have...
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9:40 pm - Lonely one...
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watched the wedding crashers last night... and let's just say it wasn't the greatest of movies. only good thing in the entire movie was Todd. and no, I am not obsessed. or am I? well... guess I am. but then again, can't really resist the dark, tortured artist now can I? no, especially not with that hair. and the haunting look in his eyes. what hair you ask? you can see for yourself. [ www.toddcleary.com/profile.htm ] Anyway enough of that... apparently my journal is supposed to be theraputic, and for it to be so, I have to stop internalizing stuff. okay well hmm...
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| Saturday, January 14th, 2006
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2:05 am - Some things to think about...
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hmm... thinking now... I'll ramble, that helps with the venting I think. okay hmm... too tired to think at the moment, I'll just be random instead... fire blankets do not burn unless the fireproof powder stuff they put on the blankets is removed... though if they are exposed to intense amounts of heat... well in that case... ha. My lighter is still broken though. I ought to by a new one... oh well, the burning of stuff can wait, I'm sure. it is now two in the morning. going to sleep now...
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| Thursday, January 12th, 2006
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8:32 pm - Internal turmoil eh?
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old obsessions die hard. well, not so much obsession... it's more of uh, infatuation, really. or is it the other way around? Hmmm... Ah well. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel any affection for Guildenstern. I mean, how can I? You know, it's kind of hard to feel emotionally attached to someone you don't actually know, let alone someone you have never spoken to. Ever. But that doesn't seem to stop the constant reminder of his presence, does it? No, it does not. You know what's weird? As soon as I stopped with the whole obsession thing (for the most part, anyway... shut up you don't know!) he seemed to pop up everywhere. like honestly everywhere! weirdness. He always seems to be smothered by something, be it his overly large sweatshirt or his mess of dark brown hair... and the vacant look expression on his face... oh the poor kid. yeah okay I know he's afraid of me. well, I think he is... if it so happens that he knows I exist, that is. Though at the moment I would rather that this is not the case.
On a completely unrelated note, is my English bad? Huh. I am choked. well maybe it's true, but I don't really know. I'd say I don't care, but then I'd be lying.
...it's the little things that get me. I dunno. some days... insensitivity is not a good thing...
Right now everything inside my head is tangled in a twisted mess of confusion and pain, if that even makes any sense. The thing is, I really don't know what to say, but there is just so much stuff inside, screaming to get out. ugh... what the Hell! This is just fuckin' stupid. And I don't even know what the hell is bothering me. Huh. it'll pass. it always does.
Happiness is a dangerous thing. Anger is even more so.
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